Your Baby Girl
by FandaticForeverAndAlways
Summary: After an accident resulting in Ginny's death, Harry turns to alcohol. He has all but forgotten his family, and so have they. Except his daughter. When it becomes too much, Lily decides to take the easy way out...leaving Harry one last letter. *Rated M for mature themes*


**Disclaimer: JKR owns it All!**

**Written for Song-fic Boot Camp**

**Prompt32: For the Love of a Daughter by Demi Lovato**

**Written for Head Canon Boot Camp**

**Prompt2: You cant help who you love**

**Special thanks to Clever Ink Slinger for editing it for me! =)**

* * *

**Your Baby Girl**

Harry Potter walked back into his house without toppling over the front door. It was one of those rare moments when he was sober. Usually he gathered a few bottles and settled on the couch staring at the pictures on the mantle. They reminded that not so long ago his life was perfect, and then it shattered in a matter of minutes due his wife's stupidity. It gave him a reason to get angry, which in turn gave him the right to drink more and drown his sorrows.

As he looked around the house, he realized that it was too quiet. He walked into the kitchen, his daughter Lily should have been there making dinner. But, today it simply vacant, looking completely untouched. He opened the cabinets, grabbed some alcohol and headed to the living room.

Harry settled himself comfortably on the couch and took his first sip. He vaguely remembered how two glasses of Firewhiskey would make him feel giddy in the past. He let out a chuckle. Now it took him _bottles_ to actually get drunk. He felt irritated that he had been so naïve.

He couldn't understand why, but he knew something was wrong. Maybe it was because he had been used to Lily's presence in the kitchen for so long that her not being there was making him feel different. _It_ _shouldn't have though_, he thought. It wasn't like he and his daughter had spent much time together, they were just two different individuals doing their own work.

But, he did wonder where she was. He couldn't remember if she had any friends to hang out with. "Lily!" he shouted, just to make sure that she wasn't there. Her name felt weird when he said it, and he realized that he hadn't spoken it often. Harry couldn't even remember the last time he actually spoke to her. He felt a twinge of guilt. His daughter was the only one who hadn't given up on him and he hadn't even bothered to be thankful.

He called her again, this time much louder. But he still didn't get a reply. Sighing and feeling irritated, he decided to walk up and check on her. Again, that concept felt…out of ordinary.

He walked the flight of stairs and headed to Lily's bedroom. It took him a moment to realize which room was hers. It had been too long…

All the doors on either side of the corridor were locked, but one at the end was slightly open. He walked to it and knocked twice before repeating, "Lily?"

Again, he was met with silence. Harry almost expected the room to be empty when he opened the door completely. His mind couldn't even recollect any memory of the room-it was colored in red, a bed in the center and books lay everywhere. But, that wasn't what froze his body.

Just a few feet away from him, lay a small body on the floor. He could see pale hands thrust forward and red cuts framing them. It looked as if she had been sitting leaning against the bed-when her body had finally given up and fallen sideways. He couldn't see any difference between the pool of blood and the red hair fanning out around her head.

_Red hair_…

The bottle in his hand slipped, and he vaguely heard the shatter of glass and splash of liquid on the floor as he rushed toward his flesh and blood. "Lily!" he cried.

He knelt down, calling her name repeatedly. But he was only met by silence. He didn't know what to do! Both of her wrists had been slashed, he spotted a shiny sharp pocket knife lying in her blood. "Oh Lily," he panicked.

"Lily…_love_…" his voice cracked and hands trembled as he tried to look for any signs of life. He freed her fingers of a parchment she was firmly holding. The only thing he noticed was that her body was slightly colder than his and that she was too pale. He suddenly thought of his wife, Ginny, lying on the floors of the Chamber during his second year.

His fingers felt her throat. He couldn't locate a pulse, but he was no healer! Hoping and praying that he hadn't lost her, Harry slipped his hands underneath her neck and legs gently, with the only thought of St. Mungo's, he apparated.

* * *

As soon as he had apparated at the hospital, he had called for attention and wasn't disappointed. The authorities had simply taken his daughter from his arms. Harry had followed them until they had taken her through a closed door, telling him that he wasn't allowed any further in.

He had begun pacing at once, unable to believe what had just happened. The images of how he had found her kept running through his mind. The only thing he could conclude was that she had tried to kill herself, and he didn't know why.

After few minutes, a young woman came up to him and handed him few papers asking him to fill them out. He stared at the forms for few moments, disoriented. It felt like he didn't know anything about her. He jotted down her name, gender and _guessed _her age. He didn't know _anything else_ about his own _daughter_! What kind of a father was he? Harry filled in his relation as father and few other details of his own and handed the form back to the girl. She looked at the form, gave him an odd look and took them back.

"Excuse me Sir, this is yours." The girl was holding something out to him. It took him a minute to realize that it was the same piece of parchment he had freed from Lily's hand. He observed that, somehow, it seemed to have stayed free of the blood. He sensed something magical about it.

Without saying anything, he took it. His breath hitched when his eyes fell onto the words that had begun to form.

_Dear Daddy,_

Harry's legs gave up, and he collapsed on a nearby bench clutching onto the parchment as if his life depended on it.

_I don't remember things being any different than how they are now, but James and Albus told me that it wasn't always like this. Before-I am talking about the time Mum was alive of course-things were different. _You_ were different. I was too young to remember those happy times, that is what they told me. I used to wish every night that I could remember something of those times! I wished so hard that I could remember you smiling, playing, and talking to us sober. That wasn't really helpful…even now I don't remember things being any different. I racked my brain so hard, but I just couldn't remember._

_Of course, it's stupid of me to hope that I would be able to remember anything, right? I was only four after all. Do you remember that? I have a feeling that you will not._

_I never got a chance to know you_, really_ know you, and you didn't get a chance to know me either. I used to wish that I would be kissed good night before bed, maybe told a story or two by you. But, it was always my brothers who did that; you wouldn't be in your right mind. James did everything to keep me and Albus away from…Well, from you. Just because you were in your possessed state and he didn't want us to be exposed to it. But, it didn't take long for that to happen, Hogwarts opened for James, and very soon after James left too. Our extended family jumped in to help as much as possible, but that didn't help me much._

_I needed you the most. I wished that you would need me too…Once Hogwarts started for me, it was a relief for my brothers. I would finally be around something normal. But, I was too shy, too unfriendly… That's what people thought. I never ventured out the little bubble I had created. I always stuck by our family, but I was always alone. I remember learning about you, and it made me so happy! The teachers spoke of your brave and kind nature; it felt like they were speaking of someone else. But, that didn't stop me from searching for every article, every book based on you. It used to drive James and Albus crazy, but it was the only way to know what sort of person you really were. It made me so happy and so proud of you Daddy, it really did._

_After my first magical year, we came back again. You still hadn't changed, no, you had…You didn't get as angry at used to. I forced myself to think that you missed us. But, it was just that you had started to drink more than before and it didn't bother you at all. It was as if we didn't really exist. Stupid me…_

_As I started grow up, I began to see the pain behind your drinking, and I wanted to be there for you, get you out of it. But, holidays weren't enough. My stay at Hogwarts was fraught with worry about how you were doing! I even wrote you letters, though I don't know if you remember. But I didn't get any reply._

_When James finally graduated and got an apartment, he asked Albus and me to move in with him; Albus had been all too ready to, but I wasn't. I couldn't leave you Daddy…You were much too important a part of my life even if you didn't realize it. That was the first time I really fought with my brothers. Because of me, Albus decided to stay back as well. James didn't speak to me for days, but he couldn't just ignore me. I was his little sister after all. I understand his anger though; he was just being the usual protective brother. (Would you tell him and Albus my thanks and that I love them? I hope you do... Thanks.)_

_Hogwarts started again, this time James wasn't there anymore and it was Albus' last year. Most of our cousins had left or were in important years; I found myself alone once more and started longing to go back home. That was the first time I cut myself. Yes, this sudden, 'let me die,' decision wasn't abrupt. I have been cutting myself since then, and to me honest, I feel so good when I do it. It hurts a tiny little bit in the start, but as I watch the blood flow out, I don't feel the pain anymore. In fact, the pain goes away. I enjoy it. I sound mental I know, but it's true. Albus was too busy to notice this change in me and for that I was glad._

_After another year, Albus followed James' footsteps. He moved out too, they tried to make me move out…But I was adamant. I went on about how I would be nothing but an inconvenience for them despite their protests and promised to spend time with them as much as possible. I didn't have to put much effort to keep up my promise; they were too busy with their friends and changes in their lives to concentrate much on me._

_It was just me and you, Daddy._

_I tried talking to you, telling you all about Hogwarts even though you already knew about it. I made up non existent friends, and made my life as interesting as possible. I only wanted you to take interest in _something_! I didn't want you to know that your daughter was a loner; I didn't want you to be not proud of me. I told you about a person that was probably me in parallel universe. But, that didn't interest you…You just nodded. I don't think you even listened to me, you never listened. I do wonder though, would you have cared if I had told you the truth from the start-that I was nothing but a loner who enjoyed cutting herself until she could start seeing black spots? I guess I will never know…_

_I cried myself to sleep each night. Hell! It was even difficult to sleep. Most of the nights I stayed awake staring at the dark ceiling; my head used to hurt so much and it wasn't like I did not try to sleep…Trust me, I did. But, I couldn't. Nights were as much hell as the days._

_Back at Hogwarts, I was completely alone this time. No James…no Albus…no one. I don't know how those last years at Hogwarts passed. I was all but a zombie. Ha, funny, don't you think? My life was as uninteresting as it could be. All I did was study…eat…cut…try to sleep…have nightmares…cut…cut…cut…_

_After I graduated, I got a job that I could do from home. That suited me well. I didn't want to be around people who were happy and whole; because it hurts too damn much…_

_These years alone taught me that my idolization of you is stupid. It made me realize why James and Albus were so angry with you! But, that doesn't stop me from considering you as my hero. Even though you do nothing to equal that…I can't just start hating you…You are my father…I can't hate you…ever!_

_I love you Daddy, I wish you loved me too._

_I wish you hadn't spent years in anger- remembered your children and found a reason to live _for _them. (I mean, were we really not enough?)_

_I wish you had given me a reason to not give up._

_But I can't help but think that one less loner, a dark and twisted soul gone from the world wouldn't affect many people._

_You never considered me as your own, you never loved me, and you never were a father to me as you should have been…I might have as well been some kid you had taken in. Being ignored by strangers would have been less painful._

_I just wish…I wish so badly that you remembered your daughter._

_Maybe after her death you will remember. I sure as hell hope so._

_Remember me Daddy, please._

_I love you,_

_Lily_

Harry stared the letter his daughter had written for him. Her every word screamed of her pain and hurt. He was the only reason for it…and if today she had tried to kill herself-he refused to believe that she was dead-he was the _only _reason. He had never given his children the childhood they should have had. He was never there for them, and his youngest child was the one who had been most affected. All this was entirely his fault.

His eyes feel cracked, but he couldn't shed a tear. His chest ached, but he couldn't cry out. This letter was far too emotional, it was pain personified.

_Remember me Daddy, please_

Her words…so truthful…so painful…His poor child! How much pain she had been in! And he hadn't even bothered. Praying and hoping that she pulled through this, he sat frozen. The letter was still in his hands, the words still staring at him accusingly.

Despite her confession of being hurt, she loved him. Harry didn't deserve her love, he hadn't given her any reason to, but she never gave up on him. People left him, they tried and failed, but Lily never accepted the failure. She continued to be there for him until it became too much for her.

A vague memory passed through his mind. Something he hadn't thought of in years! It was of the first time he held his daughter in his hands. He had been so _happy_! She was his only daughter, and he had promised to protect her, be there for her in every step of the way, and most importantly love her forever.

"What have I done?" he gasped, tears finally falling down his face as he sobbed uncontrollably.

"Potter?" he heard a hesitant voice.

He looked up; he was surprised to see Draco Malfoy standing before him. Then he realized that he was Lily's healer. Surprisingly, he didn't feel any hatred toward his once up a time enemy. He didn't have any space left to fill with any other emotion than disgust-which existed for himself in his heart.

"How is she?" he asked hoarsely, praying desperately that she was alive and he had been granted one more chance with her.

Malfoy studied him silently, "How is she?" Harry all but screamed.

"Not very good, she is very weak. She had lost a lot of blood, and we almost lost her. It took quite a few replenishing spells and potions. She is very weak."

"B-but she's alive?" Harry clarified, heart thudding in his ears.

"Barely. But, yes, she is," Malfoy answered, remaining stoic.

"Thank god!" he felt weak, but was happy. He laughed nervously as he dried the tears of his face. "May I see her?"

"I must ask you some questions though-"

"I can't _see _her?" he cried.

"You must understand the circumstance-she obviously tried to kill herself. But, that isn't some spur of the moment decision. We found similar but older marks on both of her hands. Moreover, she hasn't woken up yet, please cooperate." Malfoy's eyes were kind, that's what calmed Harry.

"Okay," he nodded, running his hand through his hair and taking a deep breath.

* * *

Harry's heart broke even more when he saw the result of his actions in front of him. "Hey, baby girl," he said, squeezing Lily's palms. Her eyes widened in shock. He realized that she looked too unhealthy. All this was entirely his fault. "You scared me," he whispered, running his fingers through her hair.

Lily's eyes welled up with tears, and she stared crying. "Shush, please don't cry," he whispered, stroking her cheeks.

"I-uh-I…" she stuttered, unable to form words. She wouldn't be able to of course; this was probably the first time he was actually talking to her in god knows how long.

"I am so sorry Lily, I am so very sorry…I disappointed you," he told her, feeling extremely ashamed. "I should have taken care of my family instead of falling apart, it's my fault, I am so sorry."

Lily stared at him frozen, too surprised to react. "I know it will be too hard for you to forgive me, and it's too much for me to ask. But, sweetheart, would you give your father just one more chance? Would you give me a chance to know you?" Harry asked her, with tears in his eyes.

"You…want t-t-to kn-ow _me_?" she asked, hardly audible.

"If you are willing to give me a chance, yes," he replied, nodding.

"Yes," she whispered, shedding few tears.

He watched her, feeling extreme remorse. He couldn't believe that his actions or rather lack thereof had led his family to break. While James and Albus had taken the road of anger, Lily had simply been too hurt. She had chosen the worse end. As he looked at her, he could see a glimmer of hope and wariness in her eyes. No doubt, the path he had chosen wouldn't be easy, but he was sure that it was the best path he had chosen in a long while.

But, before he could help his daughter, he had to help himself. That would be the first thing he would be doing for her-give up alcohol. He knew it would be hard, but seeing her looking at him with such hope in her eyes, he gained resilient strength from them.

Their future would be filled with difficulties, he was sure of that. But, he wasn't going to give up, not without trying. He knew he couldn't fill those years he had missed, but he wanted to change the future.

He wanted to know his daughter.

And he wanted her to know him-the real him, not the drunken good for nothing man she had grown up to know.

"I'll be right back," he said, smiling at her. She simply nodded in reply.

He was about to leave the room, when he came back and placed a kiss on her forehead. "I love you, Lily," he told her sincerely.

Lily stared at him, hardly daring to reply. Smiling at her once more, he headed out the room. He had some things to discuss with Healer Malfoy. Things that would help his daughter and things that would help him.

* * *

**AN: Writing this…was very emotional. I tear-ed up a little while writing the letter, I don't know how hard it is for kids like Lily. I feel really sorry for them. For the Love of a Daughter is an amazing song by Demi Lovato, it's one of my favorites!**

**Hope you liked this.**

**It would be lovely if you reviewed**

**Love,**

**Nik**


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